Back and Better Than Ever

I started this blog because I thought it would be a fun, creative space for me to discuss my personal journey I talked about in an Instagram post in October of 2018. Apparently, my mind and soul were not ready for that journey that I [thought I] so desperately craved then. I had just found out about something very hard for my heart to take and accept, so I thought I was ready. I wasn’t, and instead of forcing this journey of growth, I waited for my soul to beg for me to take the time I needed for myself.

As cliché as this sounds, thoughts of the New Year hurled me into a journey of self-improvement, independence, and discovery.

For me, dating someone or at least talking to a guy has been a constant for as long as I can remember.

That is actually the saddest thing I have realized in a long time.

I feel as a young woman it is important to know that I am capable of being alone and capable of being successful, happy, and fulfilled by myself. This is not some feminist rant, I am not yelling from the rooftops to be a strong independent woman who don’t need no man, I HAVE NOT lost faith in men. I just find it important for young women, and young men(!!!), to know what they are capable of on their own. I personally see it as a developmental necessity for all of us.

I would not say I have ever had dependency problems, I do not feel that I depend on men to be happy. However, I am so used to it, and I am so uncomfortable without male attention, that I find that wrong. Why do I feel that just because my phone now has a man calling it who is pursuing me, I am worthy? Why do I find that normal?

As I was talking to my dad about this decision to focus on just me, my successes, future and my friends, he told me about his dating times in the 80s. He was single a lot and would go months without a date. No, he wasn’t weird or a loser, that’s just how it was back then. With social media now, I think it is just engrained in us to have someone, and if you don’t then you’re weird or something must be wrong with you. We all want the perfect pictures with the perfect someone and our perfect happy relationship. Don't tell me you don't.

I personally think that I truly know who I am, but this age is meant for so much growth, why not do it fully and completely for me? Without anyone holding me back, and without my decisions for my life and future being limited in the hands of a relationship?

What exactly is this personal journey? What steps have I taken to grow? How have I changed in the last month?

So far I have:

• Ended a completely beautiful and special relationship with someone whom I cherish deeply

• As beautiful as this relationship was, I was not doing everything in my power to be who I am. This took time away from school and me, and I saw this as an opportunity for me and for him to work on ourselves and grow into the incredible people we are meant to be. I am praying and hoping every day that he’s growing as much as I am.

• Began to ask myself the difficult questions. Instead of asking “why” once, now ask it 3 times, and get to the deeper meaning of really why something is happening, I feel a certain way, I want something, etc.

• This seems easy, but it’s not. Getting to the true and honest reasoning for something isn’t easy, and it isn’t always comfortable. Which is important. Do I want it because of the image it gives me in my head? Is it because my family approves or is pushing me towards it? The questions can go on and on, but when you start finding your true meanings for everything in your life, you’ll discover who you are much quicker than if you ignore them. And you’ll be happier too J

• Started waking up early to workout and get my day to a productive start

• This, honestly, has been the biggest thing for me. Waking up that early is humbling because you feel quite alone. There are not many cars on the road, not many sounds, no one texting you 300 times, it’s lonely. But I find loneliness in the morning to be a very magical place. It forces you to think, plan for the day, make a list of everything you want to get done. I have been getting to the gym before 5 am, and I can tell you that by the time I leave around 6 or 6:30, I have more energy than I ever would’ve had waking up at 8 am. And I keep the energy, I spend less time on my phone, more time doing things I need to get done.

• I am currently doing Arbonne’s 30 Days to Healthy Living challenge

• Less bloat, more energy, digestion is better, no crashing, healthier relationship with food, need I say more?

• I have definitely been more serious about my Arbonne business and will continue to getting more serious about it

• All the pictures and videos on my Instagram stories might be annoying, but someday they’re going to pay for my free Mercedes and trips to Maui, so join me if you want that too.

• Watched Tidying Up with Marie Kondo and now have chosen everything in my apartment based on whether or not it brings me joy (most things did not)

• I literally went through every single item in my apartment that belongs to me asking if it sparks joy, and organized and tidied my space. Cleansing for this lil soul of mine, ignited a new mindset for responsibilities.

• Journaling has stayed a constant

• BUT I have added a daily gratuity part, where I open my heart about what I’m thankful for. I’m trying to hone in on the little things that aren’t so obvious to the outside world.

• Spending more time with my girls

• This has been a big one. I’m not always a girls’ girl, some girls drive me insane if I’m being honest. I hate drama and the “cute but psycho” trend (it’s not cute, pls stop). So having a lot of girl friends and spending time with them has been a struggle. Lucky for me I’ve made a couple pretty amazing relationships the past 8 months or so, and spending time with them gives me a new high. I’m thankful for them, and they know who they are

If you’ve read all this, I thank you. I am putting this out in the world because I believe we can all be better and do better day in and day out. We should always strive for more and improvement of who we are as people. That’s what I’m going for and hoping for. Fearless energy, completely me. If anyone takes anything from this, I have succeeded. Thanks for following along

XO

-M